As a married man or woman, it's very typical to have questions about your current sex life.
How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex

As your marriage has evolved over the years, you may have realized that you've fallen into a routine that involves far less sex than usual.

Before getting upset with your partner or feeling down or ashamed about yourself, it's helpful to recognize what is even qualified as "normal" sexual frequency for married couples.

Read on as we explore how often married couples should have sex, why some married couples may be having less sex than usual, and what factors can help you and your partner engage in more sex regularly.

In this article:

Note: Read the whole article or scroll down to the KEY TAKEAWAYS section at the end of this article for a short summary.

How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex?

most married couples have sex on average 50-55 times per month or 1-2 times per week.

According to a recent 2017 article, experts reviewed several surveys on sexual behavior. They found that most married couples have sex on average 50-55 times per month or 1-2 times per week.

Keep in mind that this average varies across different couples and age groups. Whether or not you and your spouse fall into this range, it's more important to recognize your current situation and what factors may be hindering your routine sexual behavior.

Newly married couples vs. longer married couples

It's a simple fact of life that most young married couples engage in sexual intimacy far more often than older couples do. Though a small part of this decline may have more to do with age, the amount of sex couples have varied from one married couple to the next!

Sex expert Dr. Chris Kraft explains that intimacy and sexual desires tend to follow a pattern as a relationship evolves. In other words, newly married couples are more likely to experience heightened feelings of closeness, excitement, and passion, which leads to more regular sex.

As a relationship matures, its "newness" wears off as couples fall into a routine, have children, and experience major real-life transitions together. Though these factors don't necessarily cause a person's sex drive to fall flat, the lack of intimacy does.

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The Relationship between Sex and Marriage Satisfaction

Research has found that whether or not a married couple has sex once a week or once a month, their levels of happiness, sexual satisfaction, and marital satisfaction are not affected whatsoever

Perhaps you and your spouse have recognized a decline in your regular sexual activity. It's normal to question whether or not the amount of sex you're having may be playing a role in your overall marriage satisfaction.

We have good news for you.

Research has found that whether or not a married couple has sex once a week or once a month, their levels of happiness, sexual satisfaction, and marital satisfaction are not affected whatsoever – so long as both partners are content with their sexual frequency.

So, suppose you and your spouse have committed to a sexless marriage or can't seem to get out from under the sheets. In that case, your marriage satisfaction depends more on your intimate connection rather than having an active sex life.

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Tips for Improving Your Sex Life as a Married Couple

Though it's never great to feel like your libido has come to a sudden halt in your relationship, it's very typical for long-term couples to have less sex on occasion.

If you or your spouse have found yourselves in a sexless rut that you want to get out of, we have some tips to help ignite more passion and romance in your sex life.

1. Increase your sex drive through sexual intimacy and desire

An active and healthy sex life is the most prosperous when two individuals are showing one another intimacy, affection, and connection every day.

Though it's never great to feel like your libido has come to a sudden halt in your relationship, it's very typical for long-term couples to have less sex on occasion.

There are so many factors that affect our sex drive, making it difficult to connect with our partner on the same level that we once did.

Common factors associated with a low sex drive include:

  • Unhealthy lifestyle habits (i.e. smoking, drinking, lack of sleep, poor nutrition)
  • Physical health conditions (i.e. diabetes, cardiovascular disease, cancer, etc.)
  • Stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems
  • Relationship stressors (i.e. conflict, feeling undesired by our partner, etc.)
  • Hormonal changes during pregnancy or menopause
  • Low self-esteem, lack of confidence, unhealthy body image
  • Sexual boredom or general lack of sexual desire

Many sex therapists explain that male and female libido is very sensitive to change – especially later in life. The good news is that none of us are doomed to live life with low libido. The best way to get out of this rut is by sparking greater sexual intimacy and desire in the marriage.

Here are some lasting solutions to help with this.

Decrease your stress levels

One of the main factors contributing to a low sex drive is stress. Even the most sexually active men will have trouble achieving an erection when stress gets in the way.

Some of the best ways to care for your mental health and well-being are regular exercise, eating well, sleeping, socializing, journaling, meditation, or any other self-care activity that helps increase energy or promotes relaxation.

Prepare your brain for sex

Before you're able to engage in enjoyable sexual activity, your brain needs to be in the right mindset to feel present, focused, and connected with your partner.

A great way to prepare your brain for sex is by spending some time fantasizing about sex. Research has found that dopamine, which is typically released from the sensation of pleasure, can also be stimulated from the mere anticipation of sex.

So, rather than waiting for your clothes to come off before attempting to get into the mood quickly, try taking a more proactive approach by using your thoughts to stimulate sexual arousal and desire.

Get sensual

Another great way to boost your sex drive is by getting sensual with your partner throughout the day. Not only does that spark more intimacy between a couple, but it can help both you and your partner anticipate sex with more extraordinary passion, connection, and desire.

Draw in your partner through physical touch such as hand-holding, cuddling, kissing, massaging, or even light tickling. As an essential form of foreplay, putting more focus and intention into being more sensual can evoke feelings of relaxation, trust, and arousal.

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2. Communicate openly with your partner

More often than not, one or more people in a marriage will experience 'unspoken' dissatisfaction regarding their sex life. It's challenging for our partners to read our minds, understand our body language, or pick up on cues. That's why the best way to discuss our sexual needs is through open communication.

Strong sexual communication is an essential part of every healthy marriage. No matter if you've been married for a few weeks or several decades, it's necessary to be on the same page as your partner regarding sexual interests, desires, and potential concerns.

The best way to go about this is by approaching the conversation positively, avoiding blame by remaining objective about your thoughts, and recognizing that there is no "right" amount of sex that a married couple should be having.

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3. Get outside of your sexual comfort zone

It's normal for long-term couples to fall into a sex routine that can become monotonous or dull over time. The best way to break free from routine is by getting outside your sexual comfort zone and exploring new sexual interests as a couple.

After discussing your and your partner's boundaries, it can be pretty exciting to open yourself up to a whole new sexual experience together. Some examples of this include trying new positions, incorporating sex toys, prolonging foreplay and oral sex, or getting outside of the bedroom altogether.

Sometimes, the excitement of sexual exploration can not only help you engage in more frequent sex, but it can also work to strengthen your emotional and physical connection with one another.

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4. Schedule intimate time together

or married couples, life can get in the way of sexy time – especially when kids are involved. For this reason, it can be incredibly beneficial to try scheduling sex together.

Certified sex expert and author Gigi Engle advocates scheduling sex for any couple looking to boost intimacy, sexual satisfaction, and commitment to one another.

The best way to do this is to plan a day of the week that works for both of you and write it into a calendar. From here, it's essential to stick with the schedule, lean into the anticipation, and be open-minded to the different types of physical and emotional intimacy involved.

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5. Consult with a sex therapist

If your concerns about how much sex you and your spouse are having continue to persist, sex therapy may be a great option to consider!

Sex therapists are licensed professionals who help couples work through their sexual issues by providing new strategies, tools, and perspectives. It is beneficial if you and your partner experience different levels of sexual desire. In this case, sex therapy can help couples work together to discover a healthy compromise that works for everyone.

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FAQs

Does age influence sexual activity levels? Both men and women experience a natural decline in their sex drive with age. Though men often experience a more subtle drop in their sexual activity levels by age 60, women are affected as early as 40 years old due to progressive changes in their hormones caused by menopause.

Other factors associated with low sex drive in men and women include stress and anxiety, having kids, relationship problems, and underlying health conditions.

On average, how often do married couples have sex?

According to several studies on sexual behavior, most married couples have sex 50-55 times per year.

How do I tell my husband/wife I want more sex?

Desiring more sex is a common issue within many marriages. Open and honest communication is the best way to get on the same page as your partner about your sexual needs. If you continue struggling with sexual differences in your marriage, it may be beneficial to speak with a sex therapist.

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KEY TAKEAWAYS

  • On average, married couples tend to have sex about 50-55 times per year
  • Experts believe that how much sex couples have has less to do with marital satisfaction than we initially thought, so long as both individuals are happy with the intimacy they share
  • One of the best ways to inspire more sex in your life is by creating and maintaining a high level of sexual desire and intimacy, engaging in open and honest communication, exploring new forms of sexual activity, or scheduling intimate time together
  • If you're concerned about how much sex you're having or not having, it may be beneficial to consult with a sex therapist for guidance

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Medical Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to give medical advice or substitute for the medical advice of a physician.

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