The glorious orgasm can be a mind-blowing, powerful, and pleasurable experience for both men and women alike!
Although we differ in how we get there, it's safe to assume we all enjoy an orgasm just the same.
However, there is a little issue known as the orgasm gap that keeps women feeling left out from receiving the utmost sexual satisfaction.
This article will explore the sexual behavior of men and women that leads to the orgasm gap, what causes women to experience fewer orgasms during partnered sex, and what couples can do to close the orgasm gap and facilitate greater female sexual pleasure inside the bedroom.
In this article:
What Is the Orgasm Gap
The orgasm gap refers to the disparity of orgasms between couples of different genders or sexual orientations.
Note: Orgasm even gets its own National Orgasm Day which is celebrated on July 31, so don't forget to join the festivities this year.
A recent study on the differences in orgasm frequency among gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual men and women found that heterosexual men orgasmed the most (95%) during their sexual encounters. In comparison, heterosexual women orgasm the least (65%).ALSO READ: Premature Ejaculation: A Man's Ultimate Guide
Why Are Heterosexual Women Orgasming the Least
Also known as the "pleasure gap" the orgasm gap exists for several reasons.
For starters, many adults admit little knowledge of the female anatomy. According to a study on gynecologic ability in college men and women, less than half the men report being able to identify the clitoris.
Combining this lack of knowledge with little-to-no communication of female sexual desires (i.e. needing more foreplay, oral sex, longer sex, etc), creates the perfect storm for such a noticeable orgasm gap between heterosexual men and women.
Why More Men Should Care About the Orgasm Gap
Whether you engage in casual sex with a new partner or in long-term sexual relationships, prioritizing your partner's sexual experience can help enhance pleasure ratings for everyone involved. Furthermore, focusing on a woman's pleasure can help slow the pace of sex and prolong intercourse in a way that can be mutually satisfying for both you and your partner.
This study on the female orgasm and masculinity achievement discovered that men who made their female partner orgasm reported higher sexual esteem compared to men who didn't. When women's orgasms are rooted in a man's masculinity achievement, fewer orgasms can be tied to "failure" or inadequacy in bed.
Not only does this stop at heterosexual men, but so many bisexual and lesbian women can benefit from recognizing the importance of exploring new methods of female pleasure to help their partners achieve orgasms for long-term sexual pleasure and enjoyment.ALSO READ: How to Last Longer in Bed: 13 Actionable Tips for Men
How to Close the Orgasm Gap
The way we orgasm is very unique to each one of us!
According to the study mentioned above, the group of straight women who orgasm more frequently was more likely to:
- Receive oral sex from their partner
- Have longer-lasting sexual intercourse
- Ask for what they want in the bedroom
- Have greater relationship satisfaction
- Praise their partner in bed
- Try new positions
- Act out fantasies
If you're a straight woman experiencing difficulties orgasm during sex, here are some helpful tips to get you one step closer to experiencing more pleasurable, orgasmic sex.ALSO READ: Sex Positions to Help Men Last Longer
Communicate Your Sexual Desires
Communicating your sexual desires openly and honestly will not only facilitate having better, more pleasurable sex, but it can give you and your partner more comfort in knowing you're on the same page inside the bedroom.
Our partners are not mindreaders. If there is something that you enjoy doing in bed, whether that be a particular position, a specific amount of pressure, or an angle of penetration, discuss it all with your partner! It never hurts to tell them to "keep going" or "slow down" when you feel an orgasm building.
Engage in More Oral and Manual Stimulation
Did you know that only 18% of women can achieve an orgasm through vaginal penetration alone?
Not only can clitoral stimulation heighten arousal and increase sexual pleasure, but it can make women's orgasms far more explosive than with sex alone.
Considering it's the only organ with 8,000 nerve endings, no wonder the clitoris is so powerful!
Although oral sex practices are incredibly beneficial in helping women achieve orgasm, there are other ways to maximize clitoral stimulation and it starts with a bit of sex education.
A little-known secret about the clitoris is that it is so much more than the outermost part we can see.
To help women achieve maximum pleasure and orgasm, the crura of the clitoris, which is mainly internal, can be stimulated by entering the vaginal opening.
Sex therapist Vanessa Marin recommends using the internal method if the clitoris is too sensitive for oral sex. Using one or two fingers inside the vagina, you are more likely to hit her G-spot (where the crura meet the clitoral bulb), leading to an explosive orgasm.
Extend the Amount of Foreplay
Before diving head first into penetrative sex, it's important to ramp up slowly to help build arousal and sexual desire. Foreplay is a great way to do this. It can be a stimulating and pleasurable experience for both men and women.
Psychosexual therapist and professor Dr. Ruth Westheimer explains that foreplay serves a physical and emotional purpose to help women get aroused. While most men can get an erection from the mere thought of sex, women need more sensual kissing, caressing, and heavy petting to get their minds and bodies in the mood for sex.
Some great examples of foreplay include:
- Using a new sex toy
- Giving your partner a massage
- Acting out a sexy fantasy
- Lubing up (especially during clitoral stimulation)
- Using blindfolds and/or restraints
- Building tension through teasing or dirty talk
Remove the Idea That There Is a "Right Way" to Have Sex
There is no single perfect way to explore sex with your partner. What works for one sexual relationship may not work for another, and that's ok!
Sexologist Shannon Boodram believes that our single-dimensional view of sex harms both men and women. There should be no fear or shame in discovering new sexual acts that are pleasurable for us.
For example, anal sex can stimulate an intense orgasm for most women. Still, it may be a little more taboo regarding society's idea of "traditional sex".
So long as you and your partner communicate your desires and agree upon boundaries, there are infinite ways to experience sexual activity that can lead to more mind-blowing orgasms for both of you!
Don't Finish Even After You Finish
Unlike the female orgasm, which can be a long, slow process, the male orgasm tends to be quicker to reach. The problem is most couples stop having sex after the man loses their erection with ejaculation.
Remember, sex is not all about penetration!
As mentioned, there are so many ways to have sex and gain pleasure from your experience. From oral sex and clitoral stimulation to sex toys and foreplay, there are numerous ways to explore the female body to help your sexual partners reach orgasm.ALSO READ: Sexual Performance Anxiety: What to Know
- Women's orgasms are happening far less in heterosexual relationships compared to that of lesbian, bisexual women, and even gay men
- While a good and healthy sex life can't be measured based on how many orgasms people are having, it certainly helps
- The female orgasm is linked closely to men's sense of masculinity, meaning that more orgasms can lead to greater sexual satisfaction (for both partners)
- There are plenty of ways to close this gap, starting by communicating your needs, learning the female anatomy, using foreplay to your benefit, trying new things in bed, and prolonging female sexual pleasure even after you ejaculate